IT IS CoOoOoOLD right now at Roma St Station wow ok Brisbane calm down, it’s only May.
For some reason as time goes on I am feeling a lot less brave about my endeavor into this relationship and I think it is a function of my exponentially growing love, dependence and familiarity, and your growing confidence in yourself and what/who you can have and how you can get it.
I’ve had at least 3 experiences which were altogether very unpleasant (so much so that one of them inspired autobiographical fanfiction composition) that have primed me to truly believe that people become interested in me for some period of time, tell me so, and then at a moment’s notice take that interest away and leave me heaving and broken and confused.
Now I am at a crossroads and really, a point of no return, where my feelings for you have become so entrenched and intense that the fear of being rejected has just exploded from somewhat negligible to holy-mother-of-god I might not survive it when you decide your period of fancy is over.
And of course there is no logical reason for me to doubt your sincerity of feeling towards me really, but once bitten, twice shy, three times a complete idiot, and perhaps four times absolutely certifiable. Could it happen again? I don’t know. I hope not. But I just can’t say for sure, and the lack of control is wreaking havoc with my anxiety levels.
I love you so much it just blows my mind; how stupid I am to invest so much in things only to be let down so many times. I only pray that if you ever (and this counts for years into the future) feel like you don’t love me any more, spare me the pain and tell me as soon as you are sure, before you go too long living a lie just to ‘save my feelings’.
My J. God I adore you.